My friends like to be near me and share some stories with me. They know me as an energetic and extrovert girl who always looks happy and never feel sad. Actually, I do have problems too; I just don’t want to tell anyone about it.
It seems weird, I can tell everyone about my experiences or even my daily stories, but I can’t tell them about my personal problems. I feel it is very dangerous I tell them, they won’t keep it as a secret and they will tell to everyone they know. Yes, I cannot believe in them, and all of these happened with a background.
I used to have 4 best friends while in junior high school. In addition, our home is near, so it was easier for us to do everything together. I felt enjoy being near them, I could tell them about anything, even my secrets, my deeply secrets. Unconsciously, one day I brought my diary to school. I really didn’t notice that it was in my bag. At that day, I had to attend a seminar in Gedung Sate, but my teacher told me to put my bag in the class, so I went there without my bag. In the afternoon, I went back to school to take my bag, and then I went home. After I arrived at home I looked for my diary at my desk, it wasn’t there. So I decided to look for it in my bedroom, but I still couldn’t find it. I really confused because my diary was very important for me, it contains lot of stories in my life, stories that I cannot tell to everyone. Desperately, I decided to go sleep.
The next day, I felt my best friends become strange at school. It seems like they angry with me or whatever. At free time, one of them called me, and suddenly, they snap at me. At first I was confused, because I didn’t know what they are talking about. But one thing that makes me angry, one of them was holding my diary, and apparently they were asking about my article. I felt really dumb there; cheated by the person who I loved, and that was the time I realized that they are not my best friends. It was unethical behavior, they even did not think about my privacy. After that accident, I lost my faith. I cannot trust my friends, even to one person that really close to me.
Things change since I had ‘black moment’ at that time. Sometimes I want to share my personal problem to one of them, but I cannot. I had traumatic with a thing called ‘best friends”. I have lots of close friends, but I often feel lonely. Until now, I always tell my story to myself. Maybe in the beginning it feels really sucks, because I could not have brainstorming with my friend if I had a problem. But now it also gives positive thing to me, I get used to do everything alone, and think that I can do everything by myself. I become tougher than before :)
